Don’t volunteer with cats if you’re allergic.

I repeat, differently: If you are allergic to cats do not volunteer with them.

En espanol: No voluntario con los gatos si usted alergico a ellos.

Obvious?  You’d think so, but I had occasion to test this.  Here’s what happened…

I set up a volunteer activity with one of the most helpful* volunteer groups of all time – Heaven on Earth Animal Sanctuary.  They have a small house in Van Nuys, which they’ve turned into a cat sanctuary. No, they’re not hoarding. Yes, they have about a hundred cats. Sure, it’s a little cramped in such a small house. But they keep it clean. As possible. Okay look – SOMEONE BUILD THEM A NEW HOUSE PLEASE!!!

Anywho – So I’m suppose to be a volunteering muse of sorts and introduce people to the joys of volunteering.  My friend Mercedes aka super hot Venezuelan/American Actress/Model asked me if she could tag along on an adventure. I’m like, “Hell yeah! Can I take pictures?”

I call Heaven on Earth and arrange a day to come out and help them. On said day Mercedes and I show up dressed to work, step into the house, and her sinuses explode. Everywhere. Within minutes. The first major symptom was her gorgeous bikini calendar eyes get watery.  Now the house is fragrant but still. Minutes later she’s sniffing.  By the time we get to the orientation, which only lasts 5 minutes, she sounds like she has the flu. Finally, while getting the brief tour of all the rooms I turn to her,

“’Cedes are you having an allergic reaction to the cats?”

“I guess so! I didn’t think I was allergic! I’ve been around cats before.”

Holy Hell! We have 3 more hours in a 100 cat 2 bedroom. WTF. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not Mercedes fault, but at this point I’m screwed. Unlike other times I volunteer I actually gave them a heads up that I was coming and asked if I could film.  How am I suppose to film when my super hot Venezuelan model eye candy is about to combust?

Luckily, Mercedes is a good sport and more tenacious than she appears.  Some quick maneuvering and she and I were cleaning cat cages outside.  Not as bad as it sounds. We just didn’t get to play with the cats… AND I didn’t get Mercedes being supermodel like pics. Will have to deal with Mercedes looking ridiculously good in glasses and sweats. (Hate her. Secretly. So jealous.)

Afterwards I treated Mercedes to a half gallon of gelato from Pazzo and watched her perk right up.

The morals of this story 1) check allergies and even just comfort level of volunteers before you plunge them into a house full of cats… or anything… I mean even tree planting… people can be afraid of trees. 2) Heaven on Earth rocks because they are a no kill shelter that houses older cats. 3) Always be prepared to bribe with ungodly amounts of gelato.

Also I did film a bit.  Will work on posting that.

*By helpful I mean they have bailed my butt out of cat jail more than a few times now. They have never said, “No we can’t help you.”  No other shelter can say that.  None. I don’t think they know how to say no.  Thank God.

Why is everyone so attracted to bad boys and girls? And how can I be bad while maintaining general wholesomeness?

I decided this would be best to answer during the holidays because of the naughty and nice tie in.  And if you type naughty enough your SEO goes off the chart – naughty naughty naughty naughty…

The answer (based on nothing but wit):

It’s not bad behavior that attracts us.  It’s the unattainable, the person or the behavior we would like to be, mimic, have – but cannot.

She drives a motorcycle.  He never calls. She has a bit of a substance issue. He’s a poet. She just doesn’t care.

All of the above represent the emotionally unavailable. I’m picking on poets and adrenaline junkies, but you get the idea.

It’s not the bad as much as the taboo or unapproachable behavior.

It’s difficult to describe the psychology since I have no training in the field, but for a more in depth explanation and an awesome read check out:

Robert Greene’s “The Art of Seduction”

So the answer to “How can one be bad while maintaining a general wholesomeness?” is simple.

Do what you want to do. Know what you like to do. If you’re satisfied with you’re life as is you’re not searching for others to fill it, which makes you appear, you guessed it, unattainable.  All kinds of badness.  Naughtiness. Naughty naughty.

Live dangerously if you want, but make sure your reckless behavior doesn’t hurt others (alcoholics and drug addicts I’m looking at you). Have some hobbies – It doesn’t hurt to like some things that seem risky – deep sea diving, sushi making, poetry slams, etc.

As far as wholesomeness…  I’ve been described as wholesome. I’ve also been described as bad because of the writer/actor thing so here’s my two cents:

I live by the creed “Do no harm,” but I also firmly believe that it’s a moral imperative to help those that you’re bigger, stronger, faster, and smarter than.  This doesn’t give me a lot of people/things to help, but I do what I can.

I like to believe, TheGoodMuse helps counter the artistic stigma at times. It will also excuse my future purchase of a motorcycle and the occasional pair of “non-leather” leather pants.

Be good. Have fun.

Next Time TheGoodMuse Explains how to sell a 12 year old car that is on fire for well over Kelley Blue Book.

Repaid Again! Re-loaned again. And just in time for Christmas.

I would never suggest that Kiva is more fun as a competition. Especially not a competition between family members. That would be tacky and defeat the purpose of being generous out of the goodness of your heart.

But… if, lets say, my family members and I were all making Kiva loans then… I would be ahead. By a lot. Maybe it’s because I do due diligence. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve learned to stick to the solid investment of used clothing – very little overhead.  Or maybe I’m just a better person than my brothers (almost proven). Whatever it is, in the spirit of the Holidays, I would just like to say – I’m winning.

Happy Holidays!

The Occupy Wall Street campaign has inspired millions across the country and the world to evaluate their governments and the strangle hold corporations have on career politicians.  Occupy New York has even managed to raise $500,000 to continue the fight “to end the tyranny of the 1%.”

But ending “the tyranny of the 1%” is more about decisions we make every day versus donating or supporting a protest (which is taking donations by major credit cards?!?!).  Lifestyle choices like living in a smaller home, eating local and vegetarian, and conserving energy by buying second hand and trading items with friends all give the middle finger to Wall Street, Exxon, Shell, BP, ConAgra, Unilever, etc. etc.

Breaking it down:

Live in… Read Full Article on Celsias

Ladies and Gentleman, the following is an account of my weirdest volunteer activity as TheGoodMuse- yet.

I had never volunteered with PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), but then I got this email, which said something like…

Come take a shower in the middle of the LA Convention Center to promote water conservation by eating less meat.

Sold. You had me at public nudity.

In all seriousness, I’m a vegetarian. I have been since I was a teen.  It’s one of the best decisions I ever made for my health.  I also think it’s important for everyone to eat less meat (or no meat/fish) for the environment’s sake. Meat production pollutes more than all the vehicles on the road combined and our lust for fish is stripping the ocean bare. To say the least – I was game to support this cause.

And… the PETA shower campaign is mad genius.  People taking a shower in public wrapped in a curtain printed with the factoid: 1 lb. of meat = 6 months of showers. It stops traffic – it literally has stopped traffic on Hollywood and Highland in Los Angeles. As soon as I climbed into the shower, in a little white bikini that no one could see, foot traffic in front of the PETA booth stopped and the other volunteers were able to distribute info.  It was a riot, and I would do this activity again but…

That being said lets break down the problems.

I was on a raised platform and the bar to the top of the shower was about five and a half feet off the ground.  I was told you couldn’t see over it.

You couldn’t see over it unless you were a male who was… oh… let’s say… about six feet tall, slightly perverted, not at all slick, shameless, and you stepped right up to the shower to ask me (with a head tilt and eyes down) why I had become a vegetarian. Lots of men meet all of these requirements.

Sir, I know what your doing. Not cool.

Also not appreciated… The guys who held their cameras aloft, arm fully extended up, to get the full shot.

I’m in a bikini you desperate, sad…

I would have preferred to do this volunteer activity with a male friend in the shower as well.  They could have acted as a bull sh*& shield.  Someone who could give creepy men scary looks.  I tried, but I’ve been told my “I will kick your ass” look is easily misinterpreted and not at all scary.

PETA should also make sure that there is a volunteer on hand big enough, and forceful enough, to bounce perverts.  I can’t believe this is needed, but I felt it was.

Now lets talk temp. The first 30 minutes I was fine, I knew the water was cold but it was like being a little kid at the ocean – too much fun to care about hypothermia. After 30 minutes – goose bumps. By the end of the hour I’m pretty sure the US Geological Survey was registering my body tremors. Oh it was sooooo cold. Ohhhh! I had to take a 45 minute hot shower at home to even begin to thaw. Maybe I get cold too easy.  I know volunteers have done this campaign in the snow. But I feel that both a volunteer’s health and safety should be the first priority of any organization.  They are volunteers. They are not being compensated in any other way besides happy feelings. Protect happy feelings.

All that being said I would recommend this volunteer experience to anyone of like mind.  It’s one of those once in a lifetime deals you definitely want to tell your grandkids about. You will walk away with killer stories. And I also highly recommend becoming a vegetarian. If not for the environment, or the animals, then do it for your health.

After an in-depth investigation of male hostility towards Jane Austen and adoration of  all things thong we return this week to the focus of this blog and answer…

What is the lamest thing about volunteering? And how do we fix it.

Shockingly, the answer isn’t waking up early on a Saturday or Sunday, which is often on the top of my personal “I hate this about volunteering” list.  Why someone can’t schedule a beach cleanup from 5-8pm or right before sunset is beyond me.  It’s the prettiest time of day!

Back on topic -

The lamest thing about volunteering is when one non-profit unintentionally or intentionally hurts another non-profit.  It happens more often than anyone can imagine. I wrote about this in my most popular article of all time Naughty Non-Profits: 7 Eco Sins. Most often it’s a  group wrecking the environmental because of an oversight, but sometimes it’s a direct battle like the war between many feral cat associations and the Audubon Society.

The only example I will sight is from one of my latest volunteering adventures – walking a 10K for AIDS Walk LA.  It’s an incredible event which raised  over 3 million dollars to help those living with HIV and AIDS.  One of the best parts of the day was that all along the walk route there were volunteers handing out yummy snacks. I think I ate everything offered  - free ice cream (hello).  But the organizers of the event did not provided enough trash and recycling. Hundreds maybe thousands of  bottles littered the ground. I’m sure they had a clean up crew coming in behind us but still… The snacks themselves were in single size containers – an environmental blight.

So… The lamest thing about volunteering is often charities become so focused on their individual mission that they miss the big picture.  It’s about helping everyone and thus helping yourself, not helping yourself at the expense of everyone.

Next Time TheGoodMuse Will Answer the Question:

Why is everyone so attracted to bad boys and girls? And how can I be bad while maintaining general wholesomeness?

If AIDS Walk LA (which raised over 3 million dollars to benefit people living with HIV) was a video game it would go something like this:

Your car zooms through the back street of West Hollywood and Beverly Hills avoiding the mass of traffic trying to get into free parking at the Beverly Center. Get into free parking (100 points). Park on the street (20 points).  Get a ticket (-100.)

You hop out of the car and remember your sunscreen, comfy shoes,  baseball hat, and camera (50 points). You jump out of your car as a fabulous drag queen (100 points).

Dodge 30,000 people to check in at the West Hollywood library and get your official button ( 100).

Listen to the celebrity speakers on the mainstage, understand them, and be able to twitter what they’re saying (100 points).

Start walking 10k aka 6.2 miles down the largest streets in Los Angeles. Get free hugs and high fives from volunteers and cute nursing home residents along the way – total possible (500 points.)

Ignore angry ignorant protestors who still somehow don’t know how AIDS is transmitted (50 points).  If you engage (-200) and your sent backwards to Mordor for a level.

Reapply Sunscreen (50 points), Burn in the Heat (-100.)

Take pictures with the fabulousness that is WeHo Cheer  - the official West Hollywood Good Will Ambassadors (250 points).

Grab yummy free snacks and beverages from volunteers along the way – fresh orange juice (25 points), ice cream (-25).

Reward the guy with the single most brilliant idea in the whole race. He set up his own private recycling station a few blocks after free water and Gatorade were handed out. Toss your empty bottles in his baskets (10 points each) if your bottle ends up on the ground (-25) and a sea creature dies in another game.

Finish with more big hugs and drag queen pictures. (500 points!)

In Summary:

After my somewhat disastrous 5K, where I finished with an amazing time and then ended up sick the rest of the day, I was less than eager to do another race for charity, but this 10K walk was a breeze.

AIDS Walk LA benefits APLA a group dedicated to improving the lives of people living with HIV and reducing the spread of the disease.